We have all experienced one of these during a stay whether it’s buffet bulldozers, sun lounger selfies to spa oversharers, here’s how not to be the guest everyone quietly dreads.
Hotels are meant to be havens, spaces of calm, comfort, and curated luxury. But somewhere between the welcome drink and the breakfast buffet, a few guests forget they’re not the main character in a reality show we would call “Unhinged Abroad”. They arrive with ring lights, oversized egos, and a complete disregard for shared space. While staff are trained to smile through anything, fellow guests are not quite so forgiving.
Take the Sun-Loungrammer, for instance. You’ll spot them early, staking out prime poolside real estate with the precision of a military operation. One lounger for lounging, one for props, and one for the tripod. They cycle through outfit changes like it’s fashion week, fake-laughing into a cocktail at 10am while standing on furniture. The lighting may be chef’s kiss, but the vibe? Absolutely not. The lounger is for lounging, not launching your lifestyle brand.
Then there’s the Lobby Scenter—a walking olfactory assault. These guests treat the foyer like a fragrance lab, spritzing oud-infused body mist into the communal air as if auditioning for a role in Scent and the City. If your cologne enters the room before you do, it’s time to dial it down. The lobby is not your personal cloud.
Breakfast brings its own breed of chaos. Enter the Buffet Bulldozer, who hovers over the croissants like a tactical drone and scoops scrambled eggs with the enthusiasm of a gold miner. Tongs become an extension of their hand, and personal space is a foreign concept. The buffet should be approached like a ballet, not a rugby scrum. Grace, not aggression.
Of course, no hotel is complete without the Insta-Guest. They’ve rearranged the furniture for “better angles,” asked staff to re-light candles for “ambience,” and filmed five takes of themselves walking into the lobby like it’s the Met Gala. The result? A grid of curated perfection and a trail of chaos behind the scenes. Hotels are not film sets, and staff are not your production crew. Respect the space.
The spa, a sanctuary by design, is often disrupted by the Whisper-Shouter. This guest takes conference calls mid-facial, discusses their crypto portfolio in the steam room, and narrates their treatment like a podcast. If your voice echoes off the eucalyptus walls, you’re doing it wrong. Whisper like you’re sharing secrets with a silk robe.
And finally, the Elevator DJ. Playing music out loud in shared spaces – especially in the lift – is a fast track to being silently judged by everyone around you. No one wants to hear your playlist of motivational bangers at 7am. Headphones exist so use them.
Hotels are designed to make you feel at home – but that doesn’t mean you should act like you own the place. A little self-awareness goes a long way. So next time you check in, remember luxury is a shared experience. Don’t be the guest that makes everyone else wish they’d booked somewhere else.